I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
