Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
