And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
