theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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