i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize