Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
