He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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