even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
