i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
