I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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