and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
