No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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