sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
vagina is talking i cant
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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