you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
