As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
