So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
