looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
