Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
