I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
