you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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