is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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