textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
