Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
