I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
