i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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