Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
