one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
