do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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