There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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