She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
