when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
