Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
