Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
