My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
