U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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