and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
