My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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