I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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