She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
