Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
