In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
