Dual....:-)
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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