Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize