I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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