If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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