He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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