i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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