i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
