At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
