then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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