Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
