what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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