Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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