I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
