I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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