You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
