I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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