my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize