just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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