Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
