no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
