OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A+ Viking dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
