I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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