i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
