party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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