Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
