i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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