I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
