do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
