you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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