then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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