Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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