I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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