i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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