you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
