Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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