Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
