Having a random hookup so left but love u
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
