woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
