we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
