I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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