Yo dont text me then not text me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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