Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
