dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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