One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize