There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My ass is underappreciated
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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