I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
