If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so let's talk penis.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
