Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
