Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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