My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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