After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
