She is in my trunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
