I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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