This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
