I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize